COP: It’s 4/20
ME: Yes, and I’m a dealer!
COP: Then you’re under arrest
ME: I’m a dealer at the casino, lol!
COP: Oh, haha! Is it a good place to work?
ME: No idea, I just sell drugs there
ME: where ya headed after Denver
PILOT: flying into Boulder
ME: omg *whispers* I need to warn the others
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Started off dead
Violets are blue
Roses are red
Me: I must be out of my mind.
Me: You and me both.
Teacher: Any questions
T: NO DUMB ONES
“Can you see continent names from space”
T: FOR FU-..ugh…Not if it’s cloudy bud
My husband keeps insisting we try 69, but I think we should keep the thermostat at 72 degrees this winter.
My conscience is clean.
Alcohol is technically a solvent.
If you’re angry at somebody and subtweeting them and it’s not me please add “Not you Jim.” at the end. Thank you.
*puts ranch dressing on chicken*
aww look at his little cowboy hat and boots, how cute is that
“BUT WE’RE DATING!” the blonde screams, “I’M YOUR GIRLFRIEND.”
“You were” Hefner chuckles. “Now you’re just some bunny that I used to know.”
In Hell, all of your Google searches post directly to your social media accounts.