Florida’s state motto should be “hold my beer.”
Me: WHOOMP! there it is.
Detective: Please stop saying that every time you find a clue.
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A measles outbreak? Weird. You’d think in this day and age, they’d have invented something to protect against that.
Despite hating tomatoes, I was a tomato in a school play. I put my personal beliefs aside and nailed the role because I was a professional.
I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life but I never ate candy corn on purpose.
Guard: Before we put you in the electric chair what would you like to eat for your last meal?
Me: The electric chair please
The Exorcist was probably the worst workout video ever.
If your religion is worth killing for, start with yourself.
what if peach and bowser were married the whole time and we were really just controlling a paranoid schizophrenic plumber trying to kidnap his old highschool girlfriend
Cat on a sun roof