Thank you for clarifying that you’d bite me with your teeth, my mind was running wild with all the possible things you could bite me with.
ME: why am I always anxious? maybe watching TV will help-
NEWS: IF THE HURRICANE DOESN’T KILL YOU, CLOWNS WILL
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Her: I like how you did your hair today. Me: OMG thank you, I passed out in my closet last night.
[re-enacting the lift scene from Dirty Dancing] “come to me baby, and jump, and oops… You landed in my mouth again! You silly gummy bear.”
– Adele’s baby starts to cry
– Adele sings the baby a lullaby
– baby cries more, but now for different reasons
[house being raided]
[swat guy crashes through window, lands on slip n slide I placed there for this exact reason and slides out front door]
Me: I’m 29, I’m not that old! I have my whole life ahead of me.
Me around a 20 year old: I am the grim spectre of death. I have seen empires rise and fall like the endless shifting dunes. Time has no meaning.
Rolling your eyes is NOT a design skill.
Put a mirror on the ceiling.
It will be sexy.
Terrify yourself every morning.
I found out.
If a baby like Justin Bieber is the face of teen angst and rebellion, then we’ve bubble wrapped our kids too tight.
Him: See? Juggling on a unicycle is easy.
Her: You’ve lost a lot of blood.
Him: I’m fine. Throw in another chainsaw.
Her: While you’re just laying there?