Hubs: You’re home all day, why isn’t the house clean?
Me: You’re at work all day, why aren’t we rich?
Me: Why does it take you forever to text me back?
*3 hours later*
Her: What are you talking about?
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[at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I’m a koala]
Waiter: “what can I get u?”
“do u have any eucalyptus?”
*restaurant goes quiet*
Only take relationship advice from people who have really healthy relationships. So, no one
Yo. Real shit. Just bcause you went and got your logo printed on some t-shirts, that does NOT mean you have a clothing company. U got shirts
Boss: I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go
Me (a trapeze artist): Now!?!?
[Quarantine Diary, Day 3]
My homemade mummy costume was met with violent backlash
Please help. My husband just started running. He runs in jeans. With a belt. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. I am so alone.
does anyone else pack underwear like they’re going to shit themselves every single day of a trip?
When life gives you lemons just be thankful it wasn’t herpes .
Wow… the headline was intriguing, but the payoff was beyond my wildest expectations