Spider bucket list:
1. Eat flies
2. Don’t get squashed by a crazy screaming lady when all I’m doing is eating flies
3. Meet Peter Parker
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I dont pretend to be anything I’m not..
Except for sober I’ve pretended to be sober a few times
*stares into distance*
Distance: Please stop staring. It’s rude.
Extra! Extra! More cheese!!
Breaking! Hold on the olives!
~Ex-Newsie working at Subway
45 min phone call w/8yo nephew:
Aunt Cassy, there are 206 bones in the human body!Want me to name them?1.Cranium 2.Mandible 3.Scapula…
Me: I’ve been thinking about getting a buzz cut
Barber: I don’t think you could pull it off
Me: Well no, you’d have to cut it off
[Considering whether a recipe is easy enough to attempt]
Recipe: First, finely chop—
Me: I’m out.
Him: I hope you die a slow painful death
Me: oh, no I’m not married
Overheard a woman say very angrily on the phone “I married a stale ham sandwich of a human” and calling someone a stale ham sandwich is probably my new favorite insult
I am fairly well educated, but not ‘knows every nuance of the English language’ educated.
I also have no idea what ‘nuance’ means.