I’m giving up spellcheck for Lant
Me: You a good personal trainer?
Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am.
Me: [through tears] Wow, that’s personal. You’re hired.
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Noah: An ark? Full of animals??
Noah: You even listening??
God: Sorry what? I was checking out the iPhone 6. This thing is garbage.
I’d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
Someone at the bakery might have lost their glasses.
me: don’t call me that it’s creepy
gf: Sorry Baby
me: that’s better
her: i’m breaking up with u
me: we can work this out Linda
her: it’s Lydia
There’s no point using Latin phrases if you don’t understand what they mean, and vice versa.
How to pick up a girl in a club:
1. Stare at her
2. Walk up to her
3. Shout stuff
I bet the marketing people at Corona really wish this thing was called Heinekenfluenza.
Misunderstandings happen when one person is clearly stupid.