A salesman knocked on my door today.
“Who currently provides your Internet?” he asked.
I said, “My next door neighbour.”
Me: You get your smarts from me.
My kid: Yep, I got your mustache too. Heyooo!
So, free to a good home if anyone wants a kid.
You Might Also Like
Studies show that people who start a sentence with “studies show…” have no clue what they’re talking about
The Tortoise and the Hare is a classic story about how people who like to run are awful.
Me: Will you-
Me: Can you-
Me: Are you-
Hubs: Oh no
Me: Oh hell no…..
Communication is important.
I’m not saying I have a drinking problem I’m proving it.
That IS a banana in my pocket AND I’m happy to see you. Why must society make these two things mutually exclusive??
Truthfully officer, I wouldn’t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving..
My therapist encouraged me to stop bending over backwards for people. But just between us, I really miss yoga.
Take it from me; I have reverse kleptomania.
You politely tap a jogger with your car one time, and suddenly you get labeled a hero.