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@ObscureGent: Me: You want to see me rip a phone book in half?
Kid: What’s a phone book?
@Playing_Dad: [Job interview]
Interviewer: Do you have any questions?
Me: Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off the bus?
Interviewer: Holy shit
@TheNardvark: When you’re cutting wrapping paper and your scissors start to glide is what I imagine heroin feels like.
@Beatonm5: what sorcery is this, the iron wasnt workin, so I took it apart put it together again got left with extra parts and screws but its working??
@doktorj: Enhanced interrogation idea:
If waterboarding isn't working, try having my mother brush their hair.
@david8hughes: There are poor, helpless kids in Africa who really need our help. But there's also kids with machine guns so I'm not going.