Me (young, naive): I can’t wait to grow up and buy all the candy I want
Me (now): I’ll give you $100 to stop me from eating this entire cake

You Might Also Like


My Game Of Thrones review: Even my cat is a mess.


Corgi: why are my legs so short?

God: that’s just what legs look like.

Corgi: oh cool.

[giraffe walks by]


God: you weren’t supposed to see that.


Fun Fact: If you hear small kids running around laughing hysterically, within 2 min. at least one will be on the floor crying hysterically.


CAPTCHA: to prove you’re not a robot please select all images with SCOOTERS

Me: Ok I-

CAPTCHA: that is a moped. you fool. you absolute imbecile.


Send prayers & good wishes for the guy who tried to pick my pocket on the luas, took out a tampon, got mortified & tried to put it back.


70% of the Earth’s surface is water. The other 30% is covered in advertisements for The Blacklist.


*gets waitress’s phone number*
*texts her before meal is over*


One time I was so sad I wrote an entire Radiohead album.