@gruffybeard

Me: You’re clingy & adorable. Like a koala.

Her: I’m amazed you can spell koala.

Me: *deletes ‘how to spell coalla’ from browser history*

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@AndyAsAdjective

Once dated a girl name Lolly just so I could introduce her to my dad & say “This is Lolly, Pop.” Broke up with her like 5 minutes later.

@kellyoxford

If weddings were for couples there would be men’s wedding magazines.

@RunOldMan

My sister and I were in an elevator and a lady got huffy and told us to speak English, so we obliged her and continued our conversation about her in English.

@DaHess1

Referring to another employee as a “gingeraffe”will land you in sensitivity training…no matter how tall and redheaded they are.

@Wine_honey1

It’s “Bring Your Kids To Work Day” and all my cats are fighting in the break room.

@AngelaHelga

I’m saving myself for marriage.

Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage.

@ClichedOut

Her: You look great without glasses

Me: I don’t wear glasses

Her: *putting them back on* I do