Is….Is this an option?
Me: You’re NEVER supportive of my goals and accomplishments.
Police: Because you keep killing people
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On the toilet for 20 minutes. Wish you were here.
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From my hospital bed it occurred to me, that i could never work in a hospital because there are too many opportunities to nap.
I’m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math…
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
Stay through the end of Hansel & Gretel to see Nick Fury kick Jeremy Renner out of The Avengers.
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MORMON ELECTION GAME: Every time Romney becomes president, drink.