@DadZZZasleep

Me:

3yo:

Me:

3yo:

Me: well?

3yo: the DVD player is not for waffles

Me: the DVD player is NOT FOR WAFFLES

Me:

3yo:

Me:

3yo:

Me: well?

3yo: the DVD player is not for waffles

Me: the DVD player is NOT FOR WAFFLES

- @DadZZZasleep

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@LizHackett

You’re a busy woman. Let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken’s done.

@bees_wingz

I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.

@internetluke

[sees a zebra for the first time]
What’s up with that horse?
[sees a giraffe for the first time]
Okay, what the hell is going on today?

@Brentweets

Pizza Hut is going gluten free so while you are dying from a heart attack you can atleast not have gas problems

@joeveix

Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.