Don’t like me? You’ll come around.
– Onion Rings
mechanic: i’m gonna have to replace your brakes
me: with what
You Might Also Like
I hate corporate lingo. Stuff like “core competency” or “design out the problem” or “I’m gonna need you to go ahead and do some work today”
I need to hire someone to follow me around and abruptly drag a needle across a record every time that I enter a room.
Anytime I see a happy white couple in their 30’s sitting in front of a laptop, I just assume they are filming a credit score commercial.
Just thought about sex for the 100th time today, and let me tell you, it’s definitely NOT the thought that counts.
My son only asks my opinion so he can do the opposite, apparently.
HELLO, FIRST TIME CALLER, LONG TIME LISTENER, OCCASIONAL MURDERER.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself never had an 11 yr old daughter
“Danger” was my middle name until I had it legally changed to “No, I’m good, thanks.”