MECHANIC: listen, I’m not sure if I can fix this

FRED FLINTSTONE: *cradling his broken legs*

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You can tell a lot by the way a woman walks. Like if she walks away, she’s probably not into you.


Mermaid: a half-fish woman. They are all very pretty, even the ones that don’t conform to human standards of beauty. I love all of them.

Murmaid: a maid who does murder. Some are powerful warriors, and some are stealthy assassins. I love all of them.



The thing that impedes you from traveling from the place you didn’t want to be to the place you don’t want to go.


I’m the outdoorsy type. I hate being chained to a desk all day, but management say they have no choice until I stop biting my coworkers.


Does Rapunzel use the shampoo “Head & Shoulders, knees & Toes.”


dr frankenstein: it’s alive!

igor: great! what should we name him

dr frankenstein: uh we won’t

igor: idk might lead to some confusion

dr frankenstein: it will literally never come up


We chose to adopt a highway.
[clutches my wife’s hand]
We couldn’t make a highway of our own, you see.