The closest I’ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Mechanic: that’s gonna cost $2000
Me: how much?
Me: what did you say before that
Mechanic: I said “that’s gonna cost”
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I remember when I used to play hard to get.. now I’m like hi i love you, ring size 4.5, my uterus is healthy, please marry me.
Snake: eat that apple
S:lol u scared
S: whoa I didnt thnk u would do it lol sick now eat that poop
“Hermit crab” describes me twice.
observational humor is about to get weird. like hey guys you know how when you go into my kitchen specifically
“Houston we … are fine.”
Female astronaut probably
? Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be… ?
Wait, hang on…my bad, those are vultures.
If you removed every blade from a 747’s engines and laid them end to end, you’d go to prison for rendering useless a $357 million aircraft.
The sirens stopped in front of my house, I should probably have a gander brb
You make me want to be a better sentence completer.