The name’s Bond, James Bond. And you are?
Mechanic: what seems to be the problem?
Me: nice try buddy, that’s what I’m paying you for
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I left some new office rules in the break room of an office I don’t work at…
waiter: what’ll it be?
pig: *straightening his bowtie* a truffle
*chasing after a rooster* give me your cool hat
Angel: okay, this one?
God: it’s black, so black bean
A: and this?
G: lol that looks like a kidney— kidney bean!
A: k, and this one?
G (giggling): GARBANZOOOOOoooooo!!
A: … dude, you alright?
Childless friend: “My kid will NEVER -”
Me: [Dabs her mouth with toilet paper]
Her: What are you doing!?
Me: You just have a little bit of bullshit coming out of your mouth right now.
*sees a truck*
*sees a trucker*
*sees a truckest*
Ah yes. This is what I came for.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, HBO
Stealing the candy is not the issue here. The real issue is why are you feeding your baby candy.
playing too much GTA. starting to see traffic as “options.”