Hell yeah I wanna save a draft of that unaddressed email with nothing in the body.
Me:Everything you know about me is a lie.Coworker:So you didnt dance naked in the fountain at the mall?Me: Everything other than that.
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Ignorance is only bliss until you wish you knew the answer
I fought the law, and it turns out they have better resources than I do.
How do I know I’m Canadian?
An AI pedestrian in Grand Theft Auto just sneezed and I said “Bless You” outloud for nobody to hear.
If you are petting a small dog in your lap, it is important to let everyone else in the zoom meeting know what you are doing with your hand.
Can’t talk, competitively eating
*sharing nachos with my 17yo son
[trying to get out of date]
ME: Oh sorry, I have a missed call from 911
HIM: That’s not how-
ME: *mouthing* IT’S AN EMERGENCY
i shouldn’t be laughing, but i am
An octopus should have eightacles, not ten.
My electric toothbrush broke so now I have to use my acoustic one