“Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus” is on, followed by “Mega Shark vs Crocasaurus”. Nice job, SyFy. Way to GIVE AWAY THAT GIANT OCTOPUS LOSES.

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*in the corridor of the club waiting for my transitions lenses to turn back into glasses* i’ll see you ladies inside


My muscle memory: Remember when we had abs?
Me: *presses “Continue” on Netflix


The tattoos in your shirtless avi say ‘bad boy’; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream ‘living in mom’s sewing room’.


Land line and the doorbell both rang at the same time and I collapsed in the middle of the kitchen.


My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her.


stop asking me if im hispanic when i already told y’all im hispeace!!!


You said No DMs, but you didn’t say anything about stopping by.

Anyways I’m at the door.


Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.