@Peter_shirley

Memes really need signatures. What genius did this?

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@noog

At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.

@lyric_intent

[Bank Robbery]
Robber: KEEP YOUR HANDS UP OR I’LL SHOOT EVERY ONE OF YOU!
*Friends theme begins to play over PA*
*Everyone sweats nervously*

@PhilJamesson

[before lamps were invented]

moth: i’ve finished yet another novel. our empire is glorious and vast

@zachreinert03

One of my buddies lost his right arm in a car accident which is a huge bummer, so much money wasted on tattoos

@HelloCullen

My tax dollars pay for those public school proms. I’m going to them.

@The_Grant_Boldt

“Mom can you pick me up a new comforter at the store?”

“Okay”

*Mom returns with Morgan Freeman*

“I love you mom”

@mamapjs1

Person: Aw! How old is your dog?
Me: (whispering) I don’t know. (Covers dog’s ears) She’s adopted.

@tastefactory

YANKEE DOODLE: *sticks feather in his cap* This is called macaroni
YANKEE DOODLE’S FRIEND: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody’s worried about u