@SardonicTart: Memorial Day was always my grandpa's favorite holiday because he was a WW2 vet and also loved to buy mattresses.
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@TimFederle: Why are pilots so honest? Keep those maintenance issues quiet. I want lies, frankly. "We're delayed because we're winning a safety award."
@Mickey_McCauley: The main problem with gay marriage is when two men hold the knife to cut the cake they will be too strong and cut through the plate & table.
@TheHyyyype: [party] me: i think my gf is mad at me friend: yeah dude i saw her making out with some guy in the kitchen me: did she look mad?
@StellaRtwot: I never make my guests take their shoes off at the door because it takes them longer to get out when I want them to leave.