@sydneysagehorn: “men are scared of powerful women,” I whisper to myself as my 14th tinder date of the month leaves me alone at the bowling alley with my hand stuck in the ball return machine
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@rachelle_mandik: CHILD: goodnight earth, goodnight stars, goodnight orb MOM: no it's goodnight moon, honey ORB: t h i s c h i l d w i l l b e s p a r e d
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted Wife: Ya? Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works Her:.. Me: No way a baby's gettin in here.