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@shutupmikeginn: Men’s 3-in-1 soap is for your hair, body, and car.
@NateMorrising: Excuse me miss, you're a cat - a man who doesn't know how to cat call
@krissywillbretz: Dear bill collectors, if you want me to answer the phone, instead of "no caller ID" try something like "free shoes"
@lisaxy424: hot girl doing pouty lips: wow she is so sexy
me doing pouty lips: are...are you going to puke, you have to tell me if you're going to puke
@T_N_Crumpets: Me: your dress is too revealing
Wife: wear your own clothes then
Me: so I went to the corner shop...and bought 4 corners hahaha
Colonel Mustard *jumps up* can you join me in the study?
Me: Yeah why?
Colonel Mustard *picking up candlestick* just come now