@KimberlyNFoster
@ComicsHey
instagram: wow, everyone is way more put together than i thought
twitter: wow, everyone is way more fucked up than i thought
facebook: wow, grandad is way more racist than i thought
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@ComicsHey
@aishaismad
American: COVID19 is super scary
European: Yes
American: Isn’t it crazy how expensive the test is?
European: What?
American: And that I have to go to work even if I’m sick?
European: Huh?
American: And don’t even get me started on quarantine co-pays
European: Co-what???
@UncleDuke1969
*robs neighbor’s chicken coop*
*serves poached eggs*
@salamingia
Wanna burn fat quickly and without dieting?
Here, take this gasoline and matches.
@EliseRose5
Don’t be an ass, be an arse. Do it with class.
@Reverend_Scott
[interview]
Okay, don’t let him know ur a vampire.“What kind of person do u see when u look in the mirror?”
OH COME ON
@ArfMeasures
GOD [creating humans] make them intelligent, sophisticated and rational
ANGEL: ok cool
GOD: but if they get told a plate is hot, they have to touch it lol
@LovelyFilters
relationship status:
[ ] single
[ ] taken
[X] waiting for the spaceship to return
@robfee
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows (2011) A bunch of adults trash a high school bc a noseless man thinks a child is better than him at magic
@iwearaonesie
wife: The school called. Guess why?
[flashback to me telling my son every answer on his math homework was 69]
me: Why?