@KimberlyNFoster
@WritePlay
When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him.
That’s more my speed.
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@WritePlay
@GrumpyBahr
If at first you don’t succeed you will get a lot of advice from people who didn’t succeed either.
@ShortSleeveSuit
KID: daddy how are idiots made
ME: well you see when another driver and your blindspot love each other very much…
@WilliamAder
People keep talking about the new Star Wars trailer. In my day, Star Wars had SPACESHIPS!
@capnwatsisname
I wore a Not All Who Wander Are Lost t-shirt to church, and they still asked what I was doing in the fellowship pantry during services.
@Jake_Vig
George Clooney and Brad Pitt fall in love and rob casinos together.
#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
@GrillyJoel
[Kitchen]
*I open the swear jar to discover someone used the last swear yet put the empty jar back in the refrigerator*
ME: {dead air but my mouth is moving}
@ChiefTwittler
I like my women so intelligent that it takes me days to realize I was insulted.
@iGreenMonk
I just hate when these girls take selfies on road specially when i am peeing in the background.
@rons_post
*opens instagram*
yep, everyone’s life is still better than mine
*closes instagram*
*opens twitter*
ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren.