instagram: wow, everyone is way more put together than i thought
twitter: wow, everyone is way more fucked up than i thought
facebook: wow, grandad is way more racist than i thought
Menstrual cycles also need to be suspended until this ordeal is over.
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American: COVID19 is super scary
American: Isn’t it crazy how expensive the test is?
American: And that I have to go to work even if I’m sick?
American: And don’t even get me started on quarantine co-pays
*robs neighbor’s chicken coop*
*serves poached eggs*
Wanna burn fat quickly and without dieting?
Here, take this gasoline and matches.
Don’t be an ass, be an arse. Do it with class.
Okay, don’t let him know ur a vampire.
“What kind of person do u see when u look in the mirror?”
OH COME ON
GOD [creating humans] make them intelligent, sophisticated and rational
ANGEL: ok cool
GOD: but if they get told a plate is hot, they have to touch it lol
[ ] single
[ ] taken
[X] waiting for the spaceship to return
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows (2011) A bunch of adults trash a high school bc a noseless man thinks a child is better than him at magic
wife: The school called. Guess why?
[flashback to me telling my son every answer on his math homework was 69]