Girls. Don’t get upset if your twitter crush stars a really hot girl or even retweets her cause she is prolly really a dude. Stay calm.
Mercury is in gatorade or whatever
You Might Also Like
Me: i should tell you i have a little nervous tick
Her: oh that’s okay
Me: Look- *pulling up sleeve* he’s so shy he’s hiding his face in my arm
People who scream on roller-coasters : Did you not expect it to go fast down the hill?
I am open to suggestions, comments, or glowing praise followed by many exclamation points.
“Sarcasm will take you nowhere in the world”, my friend kept saying.
“It got me to the international Sarcasm finals in Monaco in 2017”
Remember don’t judge, you never know what another person is going through
Unless they’re constantly oversharing on Facebook, then go ahead
8yo: “I’ve put my tooth in my room but I’m not saying where – it is to see if the tooth fairy is real or not” – this shit just got real
Good luck listening to 80’s music without imagining my silhouette doing karate poses.
Sorry you didn’t win Best Picture, “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but if Trump wins the election, you can re-submit for “Best Documentary.”