Mercury is in gatorade or whatever

You Might Also Like


Girls. Don’t get upset if your twitter crush stars a really hot girl or even retweets her cause she is prolly really a dude. Stay calm.


Me: i should tell you i have a little nervous tick

Her: oh that’s okay

Me: Look- *pulling up sleeve* he’s so shy he’s hiding his face in my arm


People who scream on roller-coasters : Did you not expect it to go fast down the hill?


I am open to suggestions, comments, or glowing praise followed by many exclamation points.


“Sarcasm will take you nowhere in the world”, my friend kept saying.

“It got me to the international Sarcasm finals in Monaco in 2017”

“Really “?



Remember don’t judge, you never know what another person is going through

Unless they’re constantly oversharing on Facebook, then go ahead


8yo: “I’ve put my tooth in my room but I’m not saying where – it is to see if the tooth fairy is real or not” – this shit just got real


Good luck listening to 80’s music without imagining my silhouette doing karate poses.


Sorry you didn’t win Best Picture, “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but if Trump wins the election, you can re-submit for “Best Documentary.”