@poetastrologers: Mercury is in retrograde for 20 more days. Don’t sign any contracts. Have sex with whoever you want to.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Him: This house is perfect for us! Her: What about the kids? Him: You're right. We'll have to put them up for adoption
@vineyille: "Food expiration dates are lies. It's all about control." My knife breaks as I cut into a plate of milk. "I'm saving this for later."
@HarryRamble: I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
@PhuckedCody: me: she had wide eyes and red hair, police sketch artist: *drawing* me: like elmo artist: *stops drawing* me: she had an amazing laugh, and loved to be tickled artist: *drawing* me: like elmo artist: *stops drawing*