Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he’s allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock.

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Hey people who design vacuums- Why the headlight?
Are people vacuuming in the dark? or riding them on the freeway & I just havent seen?


Final Destination 5″ …well someone doesn’t understand the meaning of “Final.”


The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there’s still a box of the same thing already open.


If “bae” means bacon and eggs then yes, I’m chilling with my bae


*answers phone call from boss*



The Notebook (2004) A stranger harasses a nursing home resident with stories about people she doesn’t know (PG-13 2hr 3min)


Wife: “If I died, would you remarry?”

Me: “Yup.”

Wife: “And you’d even let her use my golf clubs??”

Me: “No silly! She’s left handed.”


If you don’t smile at yourself in the mirror at least twice a day, do you even brush your teeth?


Thanks to Twitter I will never again ask a man “What are you thinking?” Because now I know and I am horrified.