@StephJoLanders: Michael Phelps really inspired me. No, I am not training to be an Olympic swimmer but I am consuming 8,000 calories per day just in case.
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@samfromks: *Holds centipede up to your cheek as you're sleeping and whispers* Hey baby, the restraining order said a hundred feet...
@alan_maguire: I'm watching two crows fight over a toothbrush. Crows don't even have teeth, it's just capitalism making them want things they don't need