I refuse to order in Starbucks lingo. I just order small or medium, and watch everyone hyperventilate.
Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall.
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2012: sorry I did the Macarena at your Anna’s funeral
2014: *does a kickflip* yeah the doctor said it’s not curable
2016: what idiot called it the sun and not a space heater
2019: ok gang here’s a thread on marginal tax rates & how we can use proceeds to fund schools
me: may I clear your plates?
me: *sits down to finish their fries*
“This is NPR.” Yeah, we know. You just spent the past 4 minutes whispering the news over a jazz saxophone solo.
EGYPTIAN KING: we shall build religious monuments. they will baffle future science.
SUBJECT: what shall we worship?
EGYPTIAN KING: cats
Simmer down with all the cheating bro, its a relationship not an Algebra exam.
Tequila is made from a plant so you could say I’ve been vegan so far this weekend
Shouldn’t it be spelled “Ciclops” with one i?
My wife said: Pls go to shop & buy a carton of Milk & if they have eggs, get six. I came back with Six cartons of Milk & told they had eggs.
Every single employee in this hotel has said good morning to me. I’m never staying here again.