@DVSblast: Millenials Are Ruining The Economy By No Longer Dying In Coal Mines At Age 8 In Exchange For Ham
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@DadandBuried: My toddler keeps running over and yelling “BOO!” in my face. It’s totally unnecessary, though. I’ve been completely terrified of him since the day he was born.
@Bizarro_Mark: My parents haven't called with a computer problem in 48 hours. I'm sending my brother over there to check on them.
@TheRolo: Date: So what do you do for fun? Me: [Flashes back to me tightly strapping a Rolex around a quail] I love bird watching.
@TheMichaelRock: The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you're having a velociraptor.