[Scene: Cloud City. Two men fight each other with lightsabers]
Mario: You-a kill my father!
Wario: No. I am-a your father.
Millennial1: What’s a Solar Eclipse?
Millennial2: When the moon photobombs the sun.
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Spells out “Can you clean the toilet” in candy hearts on the bed.
Day 29: worried I’m losing track of time
Day 4: nope. I’m fine
I’ve been towing this guy around by a rope for years. When is he going to learn to do this by himself?
– dogs, maybe
Newton’s amended 1st law of motion:
Objects dropped on the floor by teens will remain at rest for months unless acted upon by an angry Mom.
Hubs proposed to me with a really cool flash mob and a medley of Nirvana hits.
JK. He was like, “I wanna marry you.” And I was like, “K.”
cop: stop you’re breaking the law
me: [floating in mid air] i hate newton’s laws
[getting dating advice from my dad]
Just be yourself and don’t do anything stupid
“Well which one is it?”
What’s the problem, you said dress however I feel comfortable for meeting your parents and it turns out this SpongeBob SquarePants costume is very comfortable.
Me: So you’re allergic to avocados?
Me: Like a vampire?
Her: No that’s garlic.
Me: Oh, like a werewolf?
Her: No, those are silver bullets.
Me: Not avocado bullets?
Her: Don’t do it…
Me: Fired from a…
Her: I hate you