Date: I like bad boys, and sensitive guys
Me: [slowly uncovers Golden Girls tattoo]
Mind games aren’t a challenge. “Meet me in the condiments aisle of Tesco and bring a bib,” is a challenge.
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I found your tweet-up…
Personal trainer: Abs are made in the kitchen.
Me: so was this pie
[kung fu fight]
“Your tiger claw is no match for my crane.”
*starts lifting heavy building materials*
her: [checking phone] OMG my dad had a heart attack
me: [remembering girls like bad boys] good
If commercials want people to look at them they should all start with the sound of a phone vibrating
Dude yelled “Fight me like a man” at me, so I held him down and marginalized him for a thousand years.
DATE: I like someone with a good sense of humor
ME: Ah ok I don’t have that one but I got like touch and smell and so on
I could totally identify with REM if the song had been called “Losing my Shit” instead
Him: This wedding cake is perfect for us! Look at all of the tiers!
Me: Definitely not happy tears