Tell me I’m beautiful
Tell me I’m a genius
“You’re a genius”
“Just give me the toilet paper, please”
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
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when im having a bad day i remember a time i walked into a public bathroom&turned the lights on&heard a guy in the last stall say”thank god”
who is Godzilla’s least favorite relative? his MOTHRA-IN-LAW
[Tour of an olive oil factory]
Guide: This is where we squash the olives.
[Tour of a baby oil factory]
Guide: You don’t want to go in there
I have an outstanding credit score and even know a dude named Tanner but I’m still not white enough to drink pumpkin beer.
Having a tattoo in a hidden place is really just entertainment for the coroner.
DTF (Down time finally)
I finished 3 books today, and believe me, that’s a lot of coloring…
*The First Ever Rodeo
“…Does anyone know what we’re supposed to do?”
“Sorbet” is a French word that means, “I wish it was ice cream.”