MISSING: 5 year old
LAST SEEN: Moments after I said, “Bath time.”
DESCRIPTION: Naked, sporting 20-23 Spider-Man band-aids
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I’m perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince…But I draw the line at kissing snakes.
bitcoin? isn’t that how people checked if gold was real?
cop: I need you to identify the body
me: ok I’m ready
cop: [pulls back sheet]
me: yes… yes. it’s this bit below the neck
god: [looking down at earth] let me see your binoculars for a sec
angel: [perspiring freely] promise you won’t get mad
even bears disappoint their mothers
ME: being single again is great
FRIEND: really? what did you have for dinner
ME: alfredo sauce
ME: … a plate
Seduction is an art and some of you are still making stick figures in finger paint
What do I want to do to your body? I don’t know. Identify it, I guess.
DORA: “Swiper, no swiping!”
SWIPER: “oh, man”
*Wealthier fox shows up, swipes everything*
DORA: “That’s OK, it’ll trickle down”