[being buried alive] you missed a spot
Misunderstandings happen when one person is clearly stupid.
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Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain.
Everyone hates the word moist until they eat a very dry muffin.
When someone disagrees with you online & demands you prove your point to their satisfaction by writing a logically sound defense, u can save a lot of time by not doing that.
Dude, I’ve known u for ten seconds & enjoyed none of them, I’m not taking homework assignments from you.
Paying bills, or as I call it, the race to a zero balance
My kids are always accusing me of having a “favorite child” which is ridiculous because I don’t really like any of them.
“Baby, I’m gonna make you mine.”
– sweet talker forcing someone to be a coal miner
Me: Sometimes you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, enfarcorate, and move on. You know what I’m saying?
“Only God can judge me”
People who’ve never been to
*travels back in time just to slap some guy across the cheek with a glove and call him a scoundrel*