@OneFunnyMummy

Mo’ money mo’ problems might be true, but I’d still like to find out for myself.

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@StinkyGr33n

I’m still angry about those Oreo Thins. I’m here waiting for TripleStuf and QuadrupleStuf and they’re all “we went the other way with it.”

@BruceForce

Sorry I yelled “…just killed a man” when your baby called “Mama…”

@dafloydsta

Road rage, because yelling and cursing at strangers in the safety of your vehicle is fun.

Unless they have a gun.

@shariv67

I would not advise turning your frown upside down. The surgery is extremely painful and not covered by most insurance.

@VerbsRProudest

I called someone persnickety today. He looked so taken aback. Some people can’t handle that kind of hip vibe & powerful sensuality I guess.

@robfee

My shower has two settings:
-Freezing Cold
-The Ending of Terminator 2

@chuuew

[sitting up to eat my ice cream] I feel my core getting stronger already

@Douchekevin

My gf told me to take my phone and stick it where the sun don’t shine.

So I sent it to Seattle.

Women make no sense some days.

@slonej75

If a UFO silently mowed my lawn during the night, I wouldn’t say shit.