At Red Robin, you can substitute bottomless broccoli for bottomless fries. . . what kind of psycho wants bottomless broccoli? And who thinks it’s a substitute for fries?
“Mom can you take this scratch off my leg?” and other ludicrous requests my kids have
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“I can’t wait to see what my Happy Meal prize is! Wait…what the -”
[U2 is playing a free concert in the box]
Why must people look at me so strangely when I dance in my car to the music they are playing in their car?
My wife is a psycho, this tweet isn’t a joke its a cry for help.
HER: I still think you made up that word just so you could win at Scrabble
ME: that’s ridictacular
“A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer .”
Art Teacher: your drawings are due tomorrow
me: [hours later] maybe add in some grapes
police sketch artist: ..a bowl of fruit attacked you?
[summons a demon]
demon: oh crap jury duty
[15 years ago]
Mom: Use protection. I’m too young to be a nana
M: I’ll pay for the Russian mail order bride. I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!!
Hell is probably just thousands of tourists trying to take pictures of you walking a cat.