mom: how was the ballgame

me: they showed sex on tv

mom: what?

dad: he means the kiss cam

me: haha no *crossing out line in notebook* that’s for sure different than sex and I knew that

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Me: Let’s invite them over for dinner two weeks from now. It will be great!

Two weeks later. Husband and I cranky, annoyed and frantically cleaning.

Both: Never again.



[spelling bee]
“your word is… death”
can you use it in a sentence?
“in most states, yes”


10 years ago parents were like “be careful what you put on the web” and we were all “lol. old people.” now none of us can ever be President.


[Speed dating]

Me: “Toilet paper, over or under?”
Her: “Und..”
Me: *flips table* NEXT!!!!!


day 16 of being stuck in:

me: shall I have another glass of wine?

my wall: yes catherine splendid idea


“Lucy, in the sky, with diamonds.” – John Lennon, the world’s worst Clue player