Reporter: Tell me about him
Neighbor: He was so nice, sweet, friendly, funny
R: Do you think he killed those people?
N: Oh, yeah absolutely.
MOM [introducing us by our musically themed names]: this is our daughter Lyric, this is our other daughter Melody and this is our son *points at me* Sad Trombone
You Might Also Like
[Applebees on Christmas]
God: Enjoy your meal?
Jesus: Ya, I-
[a crowd of servers surrounds them]
Jesus: You didn’t…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y
I don’t think anyone anticipated this stage of corporate dystopia
Undercover cop at a beauty salon: I’ve been made, over
son: brent from school is bullying me
me: ask your teacher for help
son: miss roberts, will you help me beat up brent
Toddler: *5 minutes of incoherent babbling*
Me: Oh yeah?
stop saying “newspaper editors are only interested in content that causes a lot of uproar” when we all know that newspaper editors are only interested in pictures of spiderman
You tell me to “walk a mile in your shoes” but the second I break into your house to steal your shoes, you call the cops. Make up your mind.
*pretends to get electrocuted when I shake your dad’s hand for the first time*
Guess who’s watching Vin Diesel movies all day again? That’s right: Vin Diesel.