Mom Octopus: *opens bedroom door* What’s up?
Son Octopus: *slams laptop* Nothing!

You Might Also Like


WELL WELL WELL, if it isn’t the lady who’s baby I stole.


[Seahawks locker room]
Coach: okay if we want to win we will need to have a bigger number for the score!
Wilson: well put! Well put!


orange in the 60s, mus in the 70s, poon in the 80s, wu in the 90s. – the history of tang


HR said I’m not allowed to try to hang co-workers with an extension cord. Dunno what I’m supposed to use though, they wouldn’t tell me.


My husband is a keeper.

No, that’s not the word.

Hoarder. He’s a hoarder.


Back to school sale prices are so cheap. I’m getting all of my Christmas shopping done.
25 cent rulers for everyone!


Accountant: Mr Cage, you are flat broke.

*flashback to applying for a loan wearing John Travolta’s face*

Nick Cage: I already handled it


There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.


Damn girl, is your dad an astronaut? Because I’d like to meet him. Please let me meet your astronaut dad.


A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of people walking slowly in front of me at the store is called a motive.