@AndyAsAdjective: My daughter has recently become deathly afraid of our cat. So I'm going to have to get rid of her. At least I'll have my cat to comfort me.
@UnFitz: [horse walks into a bar]
Bartender: Why the long face?
H: The world is spiraling down the crapper.
BT: You're supposed to say-
H: Just pour.
@CantEven101: Origami was invented by a young Japanese child trying to hide his report card.
@sunexplode: Remove dead skin by hurling yourself into an active volcano.
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