Mom: we looked at tons of baby names-

Shakespeare: What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet

Mom: we picked Bertha

Shakespere: oh god ew

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The new employee manual at work mislabeled “casual Friday” as “cannibal Friday” & sadly we lost poor Dorothy before anyone could stop Fred.


Curling is an Olympic sport.
What about Straightening ?

There are women who can do
amazing things with a flat iron.


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Crazy how I started out my life wanting to be Bart Simpson and ended up Millhouse’s dad


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Next time you’re having a bad day just remember that alligators spend their whole lives looking like they’re trying to do a push-up.


Somebody in my gang is an undercover police horse. I’ve narrowed it down to Dave, Kyle and Sugarcube


“I DO NOT DRINK TOO MUCH!!” I scream angrily at the neighbors garden gnome