You speak in haiku / That is VERY attractive / Said no girl ever
Mom: What’s going on in there?
Me: Nothing mom, just watching women’s tennis
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you couldn’t be more wrong, i on the other hand could be far more wrong due to my incredibly vast stupidity
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself…& murderous clowns, & ISIS, & one of these two getting elected President after Halloween.
Here’s a poem in the shape of a Christmas tree. It’s called ‘Needles’.
Hello everyone this is your pilot speaking. If u look out the windows on your left youll see some fish. This is the worst Ive ever messed up
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I’m like “That’s enough exercise for today”
They probably could have called lightbulbs, just “bulbs”. Most people would still get it.
Tried to make a video seductively licking the frosting from an Oreo, but got excited and ate the whole thing. Twenty times.
*picks up cat*
*puts cat down*
Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
This entire pizza told me thigh gaps are for queers.