Try to imagine pugs living in the wild, just roaming in the forest in packs.
Boss: Let’s talk about your clothes
Adam: But it’s my best leaf
B: You need officewear
B: Is that a sticky note?
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[taking FRIENDS quiz]
7. Which character do you most identify with?
8. Which is your least favorite character?
I feel like before a bee stings a human, all his dumb bee friends are like “you can totally take him.”
Just to be clear, when I came over to your house I had no intention of fighting your cat.
I parent like I dance. Badly but with enthusiasm.
Me: Objection! The plaintiff is a bologna sandwich!
M: I plead insanity.
J: You’re a juror.
Me: Can I go?
spelling bee judge: your word is respect
me: can you use it in…a song
spelling bee judge: nice try
A body cam but for when you send your husband to the grocery store
1964:”Remember kids,” a youth basketball coach says, “there’s no “i” in team.”
“Not yet,” whispers 5th grade Steve Jobs, “… not yet.”
The 5 most important things to teach my kids:
1. be honest
2. show respect
3. be true to yourselves
4. be kind & generous
5. be humble
6. to count