“dad mom wont tell me where babies come from”
*dad slams newspaper down*
DAMN THAT WOMAN & HER SECRETS
WHY WONT SHE TELL US
Money is the root of all larger amounts of money.
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HR: welcome to sexual harassment training.
Me *raises hand* I’m gonna leave.
HR: it’s mandatory.
Me: There’s nobody here I would harass.
[a trampoline that allows me to get from the couch to the fridge in one bounce]
I’ll take your LEAST sexual soup.
To those of you who still feel like you’re superior, remember this; after this pandemic is over we will all have the skill level of a toddler when it comes to dressing ourselves.
M: I rear-ended some girl today
W: Oh how much damage to her car
If you wear a cape to a meal, you can spin it around to the front and have a full sized bib for eating
Tim Cook just came out. Waiting for the Android version.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Put all your neighbors names on your Halloween tombstones in your front yard and wink when you’re outside and they walk by.