I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION NOT TO HAVE MY MIND “BLOWN” ANYMORE. IF DINOSAURS COME BACK & I SEE ONE I’LL JUST BE LIKE “GOOD”
Moola better be the only form of currency at a cattle auction.
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To the account who followed me while I slept and then unfollowed me before I woke.
My apologies for taking a break. It won’t happen again!
For all the bad things that happened this year I sure did get fat.
I love how people say they’re “expecting” a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
math teacher: I said to bring your protractor to class
boy with cowboy hat: I’m just a good old fashioned country boy, I ain’t need nothin fancy, this simple tractor should do the job just fine ma’am
Sex so good my Fitbit gave me a trophy.
‘No I’m Spartacus’
‘I am Spartacus’
‘I AM Spartacus’
‘Look I just need someone to sign for the package’
Me: No guts, no glory.
Skeleton: Wow, I’m like right here.