@DurtMcHurtt

Moola better be the only form of currency at a cattle auction.

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@DVSblast

I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION NOT TO HAVE MY MIND “BLOWN” ANYMORE. IF DINOSAURS COME BACK & I SEE ONE I’LL JUST BE LIKE “GOOD”

@GavsonNZ

To the account who followed me while I slept and then unfollowed me before I woke.

My apologies for taking a break. It won’t happen again!

@robdelaney

For all the bad things that happened this year I sure did get fat.

@sixthformpoet

I love how people say they’re “expecting” a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.

@stuartfiddle

math teacher: I said to bring your protractor to class

boy with cowboy hat: I’m just a good old fashioned country boy, I ain’t need nothin fancy, this simple tractor should do the job just fine ma’am

@SteveToyne

‘I’m Spartacus’

‘No I’m Spartacus’

‘I am Spartacus’

‘I AM Spartacus’

‘I’m Spartacus’

‘Look I just need someone to sign for the package’

@Darlainky

Me: No guts, no glory.

Skeleton: Wow, I’m like right here.