Most guys that think they know everything about women usually lack one thing…. A woman.

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LADIES, imagine this.

It’s 15 years from now. Your son is playing pee-wee football. Your husband has been working with him all summer. Your little girl is cheering on her big brother at the fence. The coach benches him and puts in a golden retriever.


‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.


Christmas decorating 101 – Puts fake snow on Halloween decorations

Your move Martha Stewart


observational humor is about to get weird. like hey guys you know how when you go into my kitchen specifically


ME: I wish I had a TV camera I can look at in opportune moments

GENIE: um ok

ME: I wish everyone was gullible


ME: And I wish for updog

GENIE: What’s updog?

ME: *looks at camera*


a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:9:”SCBamaMan”;s:5:”image”;s:90:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3664939858/aebdc51cccec378baf7466d1a3ee10fb_bigger.jpeg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:18:”347903923488690180″;s:7:”retweet”;s:2:”65″;s:5:”tweet”;s:101:”*driving home*

Me: I spy something gray.
4yo: Your hair!
Me: I spy something adopted.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}


I only block people that deserve it and those I don’t like because of completely made up scenarios.


Getting a snowstorm today. They said it would start around noon, it’s now 12:02, so already the meteorologists were wrong.