LADIES, imagine this.
It’s 15 years from now. Your son is playing pee-wee football. Your husband has been working with him all summer. Your little girl is cheering on her big brother at the fence. The coach benches him and puts in a golden retriever.
Most guys that think they know everything about women usually lack one thing…. A woman.
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“I said, ‘No’”
– me, about to give my dog my sandwich
‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.
Christmas decorating 101 – Puts fake snow on Halloween decorations
Your move Martha Stewart
observational humor is about to get weird. like hey guys you know how when you go into my kitchen specifically
ME: I wish I had a TV camera I can look at in opportune moments
GENIE: um ok
ME: I wish everyone was gullible
ME: And I wish for updog
GENIE: What’s updog?
ME: *looks at camera*
Me: I spy something gray.
4yo: Your hair!
Me: I spy something adopted.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}
I only block people that deserve it and those I don’t like because of completely made up scenarios.
I broke up with a guy because he killed a horse on Skyrim.
Getting a snowstorm today. They said it would start around noon, it’s now 12:02, so already the meteorologists were wrong.