me: *blows a raspberry*
raspberry: ah yea baby
You Might Also Like
“Um, sir the subject isn’t responding to interrogation, he’s just getting bigger”
[Me, a sponge]
Any weekend is a Vampire Weekend if you can’t look at yourself in the mirror afterwards.
My friend’s crazy, he left a bunch of chocolate balls on the floor in his cat’s litter box, they’re not that good.
[serial killers talking] Anyway I stood there for like 10 minutes, but she never wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror so I just left
Me: My anxiety is out of control.
Dr.: Have you tried cutting back on coffee?
Me: Are you even a real doctor?
Him: come on baby tell me what you want me to do!
Me: ring for pizza, I’m bloody starving
As an adult I’ve caused the most trouble by pressing ‘send’
“HEY ATHLETES WITHOUT MONEY FOR TRAINING FACILITIES OR PROPER UNIFORMS, Y U NO WIN GOLD MEDALS?” – Indians