@Sarcasmo718
@Goggner
Social services would take the kids away if they saw my house right now. Does anyone have their phone number?
You Might Also Like
@Goggner
@MarfSalvador
me: where have you been? it’s 5am!
wife: I’m having an affair
me: omg who is he? [excited] tell me eeeeverything!
@machiavellino
(i go up to lady pushing baby in stroller and put my foot up on the stroller to address the baby) hey baby… is this woman bothering you
@TheBoydP
What do you mean a good old fashioned ribbing has nothing to do with this rack of baby backs?
@dadmann_walking
10 puts the paper toilet roll on in the “under” position.
long story short he’s by the road with a for sale sign on.
@jergarl
The Wizard of Oz is my favorite children’s book that teaches us that it’s ok to steal shoes from someone as long as they’re dead.
@iGreenGod
My bachelor party always end with a wedding.
@withanewname
[breaking up with girlfriend via the jumbotron]
“Hey, check out the scoreboard while I grab a hot dog.”
@_SingleBabyMama
My 6yr old had a wipe out and upon assessing a minor scrape said “this is going to make it hard for me to walk since I’m right kneed.”
@Playing_Dad
Wife: Do you want waffles or pancakes for breakfast?
Me: “Or”?