@tastefactory: Most people use photoshop to create amazing art or graphic design. I use it to make fake Doritos flavors.
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@copymama: Starting to miss the kids after 5 days at grandma’s, so I wistfully dumped a bin of toys on the floor and sprinkled crumbs on the couch.
@jctwritesstuff: [First Date] Me: So, Construction? Him: Yeah M: You nail stuff? With your big hammer? H: M: Like to screw? H: M: Hey! Where are you going?
@ayyyyloser: How to handle a one night stand the next morning: 1. Put on Titanic 2. He's gone, that's it
@OmarNajam: *teacher sees students sharing a note* Teacher: why don’t you read that out loud Student: [reading note] Dear teacher, this is an intervention. Your methods of discipline via public humiliation are uninspired carbon copies of Hollywood tropes. We wrote this letter as a class...