@shariv67: Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
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@MomOfTeen: Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . .
@BackrowSeats: Burger King's slogan "Have It Your Way" was shortened from "Are You Sure You Wanna Eat This? Ok. Have It Your Way".
@sucittaM: Ask someone if they'll watch your bag for you but never actually leave just sit there and watch your bag together with your new friend.
@Terry_maximo: [funeral] *walks up to give eulogy* *pulls notes out of pocket* "Frank was a weirdo that bit his toenails." *folds notes* *sits back down*